Expert reveals the three red flag phrases that narcissists will say to you

Navigating relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Sometimes, the signs aren’t immediately obvious, and the person’s behavior can seem harmless at first glance. However, an expert has shed light on some key red flag phrases that narcissists often use, helping you identify these subtle manipulations. These phrases may appear innocent, but they often carry deeper, more toxic intentions that deflect blame, shift accountability, and induce guilt.

Here are three phrases narcissists commonly use—and why you should be cautious if you hear them in your relationship.

1. “I’m sorry you feel that way”

At first glance, this phrase might seem apologetic. It sounds like the speaker is acknowledging your feelings, but look a little closer, and you’ll notice that it’s anything but empathetic. When a narcissist says, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” they aren’t truly apologizing. Instead, they are distancing themselves from any accountability for their actions. The phrase shifts the focus to your reaction rather than addressing the behavior that caused it.

Instead of acknowledging their part in the situation, they subtly imply that the issue lies in how you feel—not in what they did. This deflection tactic avoids responsibility and leaves you questioning whether your feelings are even valid.

How to Recognize the Lack of Empathy

An empathetic partner might say something like, “I understand you’re upset, and I want to understand why so we can fix it.” This response focuses on your feelings and the problem at hand. When someone truly cares, they are invested in resolving the issue, not brushing it off with a dismissive, hollow apology.

If you hear “I’m sorry you feel that way” regularly, it’s a sign that your partner may be more interested in preserving their own ego than in nurturing the relationship.

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2. “You have anger issues”

We’ve all heard this one before, haven’t we? This is a classic phrase narcissists use to deflect the blame away from themselves and onto you. Rather than acknowledging how their actions may have caused frustration or hurt, they turn the focus onto your reaction. By labeling you as “angry” or “out of control,” they make it seem like your emotional response is the real problem—not their behavior.

This tactic is especially dangerous because it plays on your vulnerabilities. It’s natural to get upset when someone you care about does something hurtful, but when they accuse you of having anger issues, it can make you second-guess your emotions. The narcissist avoids any introspection by portraying you as the irrational one in the situation.

The Power of Deflecting Accountability

Narcissists often exploit moments of conflict by twisting the narrative so they come out looking like the victim. Instead of owning up to their mistakes, they claim your reaction is the problem. This leaves you feeling guilty and may even make you wonder whether you’re overreacting. In reality, it’s just another manipulation tactic designed to avoid accountability.

3. “You ruined it”

This one stings, doesn’t it? It’s a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal because it places all the blame on you for “ruining” something—whether it’s a day, an event, or even the relationship itself. The real kicker? You “ruined it” simply by trying to address a problem or express how you felt.

Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, a narcissist will flip the situation on its head, making it seem like your attempt to talk about an issue is the reason everything went wrong. This leaves you feeling guilty, frustrated, and often silenced. You might start avoiding important conversations because you don’t want to be accused of ruining the moment.

Why Guilt is Their Weapon of Choice

Narcissists thrive on control, and guilt is one of the most effective ways to keep you in line. By making you feel responsible for any discomfort or disruption, they ensure you’re less likely to speak up the next time something bothers you. Over time, this can lead to a breakdown in communication, where you start to doubt whether it’s even worth addressing problems anymore.

But remember, healthy relationships thrive on open communication. If your partner punishes you for expressing your feelings, it’s a clear indication that they are unwilling to face conflict in a constructive way.

Why Narcissists Use These Phrases

Each of these phrases serves a specific purpose: to manipulate the situation, avoid blame, and maintain control. Narcissists are often skilled at using words to distort reality, making you feel like the problem lies with you. They rely on these tactics to shift focus away from their harmful behavior and protect their fragile egos.

These phrases aren’t just words—they’re tools of manipulation that allow the narcissist to maintain power in the relationship. When someone constantly uses phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “You have anger issues,” they are intentionally avoiding accountability and dismissing your emotions.

What to Do If You Hear These Phrases

If you find yourself on the receiving end of these phrases, it’s important to recognize them for what they are—red flags. The first step is awareness. Once you understand that these statements are designed to manipulate, you can start to untangle yourself from their control.

Here’s what you can do:

• Don’t take the bait: Narcissists want you to get defensive or feel guilty. Stay calm and recognize that their words are a tactic to shift the focus.
• Set boundaries: If your partner consistently uses these phrases, it’s time to set clear boundaries. Let them know that deflecting blame or dismissing your feelings isn’t acceptable.
• Seek support: Narcissistic relationships can be emotionally exhausting. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate these challenges.

Conclusion: Recognizing Narcissistic Manipulation

In any relationship, communication is key. But when that communication is filled with manipulative tactics like the ones outlined here, it’s a major red flag. Whether it’s deflecting accountability with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or using guilt to keep you quiet, these phrases are designed to distort reality and maintain control.

If these phrases sound familiar, it may be time to take a step back and assess whether the relationship is truly healthy. Remember, you deserve a partner who respects your feelings, takes responsibility for their actions, and communicates openly without manipulation. Don’t settle for less.